Thursday, September 21, 2006

You Can't Make This Stuff Up!

This story from today's D&C was so good, I had to copy and paste it into the blog. Check it out:

Greece Chamber chief accused of lewdness
Alan Morrell, Staff writer
(September 21, 2006) — GREECE — Skip Beaver, the newly appointed president of the Greece Chamber of Commerce, has been arrested on a charge of public lewdness. Beaver, who was named to the post earlier this month, was arrested at 8:30 p.m. Friday at Genesee Valley Park, said Monroe County sheriff's Cpl. John Helfer, department spokesman.
Helfer did not have the arrest report immediately available but said Beaver likely was issued a ticket ordering him to appear in court at a later date.
The legal definition of public lewdness, Helfer said, involves a person who "intentionally exposes the private or intimate parts of his or her body in a lewd manner, or commits a lewd act in a public place" with the intention of being observed.
The misdemeanor charge carries penalties ranging from conditional discharge — a type of court-monitored probation — to 90 days in jail. Beaver could not be reached for comment. Neither could chamber or town officials.
Beaver worked for the Greece Police Department as a civilian employee for 13 years. The chamber has more than 700 members representing the business interests of the largest town in Monroe County.

Maybe it's just me, but don't you get the feeling that this is not a real article. Like Alan Morrell is a writer from The Onion who has infiltrated the venerable Democrat & Chronicle team. This story would be funny if it were just Joe Schmo, head of the Greece Chamber of Commerce, exposing himself in public. But it's Skip Beaver! C'mon, real people are not known as Skip Beaver, especially men; men never skip beaver. The fact that Skip Beaver also worked for the Greece Police Department for 13 years is icing on the cake. Furthermore, why would the town sentence him to a "court-monitored probation"? Obivously he likes being monitored and I don't want to know how he feels about probing. If I can find one, I'll post a picture of Skip Beaver. I'm sure everyone wants to know what he looks like...with his clothes on. Okay, that's enough immaturity for one day.

UPDATE: According to today's paper, Skip Beaver was caught engaging in a sexual act with a fellow by the name of Robert Irving. I guess he does indeed skip beaver. I wonder how the parents in Webster feel about this one.

UPDATE, PART TWO: I found a picture of the Beeve (from Messenger Post Newspapers)! See below: